Bug Off!

I'm not really an outside person. (Did my love for animals clue you in on that one?) Anyway, it's a wonder I agreed to honeymoon in St. Lucia at a place called Ladera Resort. It's located on a mountain and each "room" only has 3 walls. The fourth wall is open to the sky or the mountain or what have you, so needless to say, not only do you and your honey sleep in there, so does an assortment of wildlife. There was a lizard in our shower, a bird in our living room and bugs everywhere. We slept under a mosquito net every night.

So anyway, we met a few other couples staying there, and by the end of the week we had gotten to be "friends." Just to give you a little background, we had all been discussing the different wildlife we had found in our rooms. (One couple found a tarantula. No lie, and had it not been our last night, we would have high-tailed it to the Holiday Inn.) Imagine a tall skinny blonde girl with a squeaky voice, like a little mouse (I knew I could relate it somehow!) with a personality to match that voice. Really nice, very funny but not exactly all there. Don't forget to read the next part in the squeaky voice or it won't have the right effect. You may have to read it out loud. Just trust me.

"So my new husband and I really like to play cards in bed, and a couple of nights ago, we had just turned out the light and I felt his hand brush up against my leg, so I pushed it away and said, 'Oh honey, Stop it!' but he didn't stop and then I heard him snore so I turned the light back on real quick and threw off the covers and there was a centipede crawling up my leg!"

Ladera Resort offers its honeymooners a discount if you go back for your 10 year anniversary. I have to admit, should we take a trip to celebrate, I may just want to head to one where it's just the two of us, no bugs allowed.